Ava has done so much this past month and because of our laptop completely crashing I have not been able to keep up with it. Since the last time I wrote, Ava has eaten with a spoon a few times which was very messy but fun to watch her mind work and figure out how to do it.

She also had her first "boo-boo." She was sitting on the couch with Adam and all of a sudden decided to dive for the remote on the coffee table and hit her head. It was one of the worst moments since she was born. I hated for her that she was hurt and crying and I just held her tight and told her it was ok and tried to comfort her. Of course Adam felt awful and stayed by her crib watching her for hours after she went to sleep. I had to put a little bandaid on so it wouldnt get infected. :/ Felt like a horrible parent.       

Another thing I did this month was make my own babyfood for the first time. It was more work then it's worth I think but maybe it's because I can't afford a nice big contraption I just have a little grinder thing from target but it was kindof fun and felt good to make something for her since I'm not breastfeeding anymore. I made strawberry banana and I tasted it, it is pretty good:)



 Adam had a business trip this month kind of last minute so Ava and I went along to get out of the house. We went to the Billy Graham library which was free and it was great. Very stroller friendly and when I had to take Ava out for a few min, they kindly invited me back in.                                                    



in front of it







The sower planting his seeds on solid ground

Yesterday Ava said momma:) She was in her highchair yelling to eat and said it. I dont know if she knows what she was saying but I don't care, she said it because she wanted me to come get her. I told adam when she was really little that I had a dream she would say momma first and she did:)

Lately she has developed a very strong personality. Very whiny and has to have her way. When I say no she gives me this I don't care what you say look and says, "hmmph" It is these times that I am so glad I plan to have more children because she would be such a spoiled brat if she were the only one. When we picked her up from the nursery at church the other day they said she was a "diva" and when she was playing with a toy if another kid tried to take it away from her she started screaming. I will not put up with that and she knows very well what no is but when daddy comes home no is too "mean." The moms are always the bad guy I guess:)

 Ava is going through stranger anxiety lately with mostly anybody but me, and although she's not attached to Adam like she is to me, and sometimes he can't always comfort her like she wants, Ava loves her daddy time.          When he comes home every she turns to his voice and always smiles. 

       He plays guitar and sings to her and she loves it.

  As you can also tell she plays xbox with him:) 

They take naps together sometime-she won't take naps with me when we lay down together she is always grabbing at my shirt thinking that it's time to eat :) 

 I can't wait until she's old enough to come running down the hall when he comes home from work saying "Daddy!" <3

Ava has started sitting up almost overnight. I had to work last week (I only work like once a month) and when I set her down on friday she was just sitting up by herself. She loves to sit. She sometimes tips over still when she tries to look at the ceiling fan or twist around to look at the dogs but overall she sits great. It's very strange to watch her sit and play. All I can think is where is my baby going? Is she really 6 1/2 months old?

She usually always picks the blue blocks out of all of them it's kindof funny. I don't know if that means it's her favorite color or what but it's cute:)
                                                                                                                                                                        

Random thoughts

A few random things...
   
     Ava sucked on her toes for the first time yesterday and it was so cute. She had brought her feet up before and looked at them but never actually stuck them in her mouth.

   And just so you know before I tell you about this next thing, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK.
So anyway today I took Ava to get her ears pierced. I have been thinking about it for a few months and got some advice from mothers who daughters had it done early too. They can pierce their ears at 2 months. She is almost 6 months. Whether I do it now or when she 2 or 4, it will still hurt. I chose to do it now because I know in the next few months she will start grabbing at her ears more and pulling on them would hurt her more. Shes too young to understand and think about them and mess with them like a 2-4 to old would, and she wont be rough housing and playing where something could hurt it. Also I don't have to worry about her hair getting tangled in them if it was longer. She only cried for a minute and then she was fine-just like when she gets shots. I think she looks adorable and she hasn't fussed about them all day

one more thought that i just got reminded of, when you are a mother don't bother trying to keep clean. Whether its puke, poop, or drool, it will be there no matter how hard you try. just accept it:) (just got blew out on) lol

Enjoying the "bumps"

  There are many bumps along the motherhood road and at the time seem stressful and frustrating but looking back you miss them. For example when you have a newborn there are so many dirty diapers. Leaking diapers, going on you while you are changing them, and the smell lol. But I have found that while changing her I bond with her more than any other time. I talk to her while I'm changing her and if you notice from alot of the first few months of pictures most of the smile are from the changing table. Because I'm right in front of her face and she's focused on me and what I'm doing. When she is potty trained and doesn't need to lay on that changing table and stare at me and talk to me while I'm changing her I will be said.
    Also, night feedings. When you first bring them home you will be SO TIRED. And you aren't that happy about having to get up every hour or two to feed and change them. You beg and pray for them to start sleeping through the night. When they do it's very nice to be able to sleep. You won't sleep through the night for awhile because your um...body, will have to learn that there is not a baby to feed in the middle of the night and you will also probably be a little nervous and wake up just to check. But I am not gonna lie. SLEEP IS WONDERFUL. Ava has been a pretty good baby. At the beginning was very fussy and colicky but I have pretty much put her in her crib in her room from day one. Didn't start the sleeping in the bed and she didn't really like her bassinet. Which has worked out great. She has been sleeping mostly through the night for awhile now-once in a while wakes up crying and needs her paci but mostly sleeps about 8-9 hours. She also take normal naps now during the day. So all this sounds great right? It is great. Kindof. But as stupid as this sounds, I miss getting to get up all night and hold her and breastfeed her. I used to have to rock her and sing to her alot to get her to sleep. It was a long process. Now she just wants to be laid down in her crib when it's time for bed or a nap. She doesn't want me to rock her or sing to her. I don't feel as needed. She doesn't need me to feed her at night or comfort her to sleep. 
    When she gets older she will have many such milestones where she will no longer need me. When she can dress herself, go to the bathroom by herself, feed herself,  go to school, take a shower by herself, have her own friends and boyfriends to talk to instead of me, and one day leave and get married. Before you are a mom you always think well I have til they are a teenager til they won't need me anymore. It starts from the beginning. Ava is only 5 months old and there are many things she needed me for at first that already change. She doesn't want to be held so much anymore, she wants to sit and play. A part of me is so happy that she is becoming her own person and can do things on her own, it makes me proud. But it is also hard because I don't feel as needed and it's a constant reminder that someday she will  be her own independent person. 
    I know this frase seems overused to new moms or people that are pregnant, but it's so true. ENJOY EVERY MINUTE. It will pass you by. Even if it seems like they are so needy and you just wish they would be able to do more on their own, you will miss it. They won't need you forever so when you are getting up in the middle of the night to feed or putting them on the changing table for what seems like the 100th time in one day, soak it all in.

Breast is best

Breast is best, breast is best, breast is best. That's all you hear. And yes I do agree that breastmilk is the best if you can breastfeed and although it is not easy and painful for awhile the bonding and the feeling of feeding your child the way God intended is amazing. I do not look down on people who have tried breastfeeding and switched to formula although I have met quite a few judgemental people that act like you are a bad mother if you use formula. It is very hard and painful for some people and doesn't get alot easier even as the months go by. That is how it has been for me. And I have almost given it up so many times but the few times I have given her bottles when I have been sick or something I missed breastfeeding her. I can't explain it but although it has been very frustrating and I wish it could be super easy like other people have told me, it's something that I can't give up.
   But the thing that I have been thinking about lately that really frustrates me is the fact that although they push people to breastfeed in alot of ways it is easier to formula feed. From the first time I breastfed Ava it was difficult. She wasn't latching on or eating so the nurses had to help me and the put a ilttle tube of formula in the side of her mouth while I was feeding her so she would learn to eat but still get sustenance since she wasn't getting much breastmilk out. It was very time consuming and although I had a few very patient nurses some just said to give her formula it would be easiest. They give you free formula at the hospital and the peds office and you get plenty of great coupons in the mail. And if you go to the health dept. you can get tickets for all the formula you want for free.then all you have to get is bottles which arent very much and anyone can feed the baby. If you are breastfeeding you not only have to deal with all the pain and discomfort but you have to do all the feeding and cant have a break unless you want to pump which isnt fun and you are going to pay at least 60$ for one. You have to buy bottles for that too and also breastpads and a nursing bra which by the way most stores dont have and walmart only has 2 kinds. They are very uncomfortable. You will definitely need cream because they get cracked and probably a shield so you aern't in horrible pain when they are learning. You will also probably get thrush so you will need prescriptions for that too.They do offer some classes that help with breastfeeding but most at cost. La Leche league isn't free either.
   I love breastfeeding Ava but it frustrates me how it is pushed but you don't see the health dept. handing out nipple cream and nursing pads they are just giving you all the free formula you can get. That is why I think its wrong to judge mothers that choose to do formula because it is very difficult to breastfeed for some people and it's not as simple as just "pulling it out" as some people make it sound. It is one of the many loving sacrifices to your baby
   

On to bigger things

I  just finished organizing Ava's clothes and things that she no longer can fit into into boxes for the next one, separated into only girl stuff and the stuff that could be used for a boy. As stupid as this sounds, because she's not getting married or anything yet, it brought tears to my eyes to see how small she once was. The tiny little outfit I brought her home it that once swallowed her up, her little socks and hospital hats. The onsies that she could probably fit one chunky leg into. Lately it seems like everything is changing with her. New diaper sizes, constantly growing out of the clothes, eating from a spoon, sitting up, talking. Every morning when she wakes me up for breakfast and I go into her room to get her out of her crib I feel like she grew bigger overnight and that she weighs more then she did the day before. I love the Ava I have now, I love that she is a little person with her own personality, but I also miss that tiny little baby that fit so easily into one arm. I feel like I just want to freeze time and just stare at her and take it all in. Someday she will not need me anymore, wont want all my kisses, someday she will be gone living her own life. But right now she is my little  baby and i'm soaking up everything from changing diapers to getting to pick out what she wears, all the kisses, her crying for me when shes with someone else, and the smiles she gives me when i talk and she turns towards me, looking for her momma<3

I'm a mommy?!

So big surprise 2 posts in one day I can't believe I'm staying up doing this when Ava's actually sleeping but today is the one year anniversery of when we found out about Ava. So although this story is kind of crazy it is true and I will just bluntly tell it exactly how it happened.
Adam and I were on our way to see his brothers in Charleston for a little weekend trip and I hadn't been feeling that great. I wasn't throwing up quite yet(although that was only 2 days later) but I just felt weird and bloated and fat. I hadn't even thought about being pregnant because we definitely weren't trying it just wasn't a good time and because of the precations we were taking didn't even think it was a possibility. So while we were driving I just mentioned how I kinda felt like crap and maybe we could stop halfway and find a michaels for some  yarn in columbia while I walked around and got a  breather. Adam had asked me what do you think it is? Jokingly I said something like "maybe I'm pregnant" then laughed. Adam did not think that was so funny. Getting all serious he was like, " why would you think that" ,etc. So I'm just telling him to forget about it I was just joking but I actually started to think about my symptoms and started to sweat a little. So we decided if we saw a walmart when we stopped for Michaels that we would stop and get a pregnancy test just so adam would stop bugging me and asking me questions. I was still positive Adam was just overeacting and I was just getting a little nervous because he was scaring me lol.
     So we stop at the walmart and Adam insists on getting the 3 pack. So we are walking out and he stops at the bathroom and says why don't you just take it now. I was like are you kidding me I'm not taking a pregnancy test in a walmart bathroom. And he said well if you are just doing it to shut me up that you aren't then why don't you. So I figured he was right. So I went in and took the test(you know what happens) and because I had taken tests before I didn't read the directions or anything. The last test I took was supposed to be this ( + I ) if you were pregnant and this( I I ) if you weren't. So when my test pops up with 2 lines ( I I ) i was like see I knew I wasn't (thinking that there wasn't a plus so I was fine) So I THROW THE TEST AWAY. As I'm putting the other two tests in the bag(didn't need them but I figured Adam would want me to take another one later just to be sure) I just had this weird feeling that maybe I should just check the instructions again. So I pull out the paper and I saw that there was only supposed to be one line if the test was negative and two  if it was positive. Wow. I stared at that paper for a good 30 sec in silence just taking it all in. Holy crap was probably my first thought. I'm pregnant. I  thought I was going to faint but somehow I made it through washing my hands (I think I washed my hands for like 5 minutes because I was in so much shock) Looking back, I think the women that came and went were staring at me but I wasn't noticing them at the time.
      So I took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door. Adam turned around and looked at me and I think I kindof gave him a crooked smile and said you're not going to believe this. His face went white and he kindof half weird smiled and faked laugh at me too. So we walked out in silence and just kept saying holy crap and oh lord,etc...So we get in the car and just sit there staring for a good 5 minutes. Then I kinda got mad-I couldn't believe I just found out I was pregnant when I didn't even think there was a chance in the freaking walmart bathroom. Then I am very sorry to say we went to the gas station in silence and Adam got us each a cigarette. We sat there and smoked in silence(I wasn't a smoker and didn't smoke when I was pregnant or anything I don't know what made us do it, I think it was like pinching yourself) So we got back on the highway and continued driving in silence for awhile until we started to get kindof slaphappy because of the shock I think and just started laughing and saying I can't believe it. Adam of course called Josh first and hearing him tell him it kindof sunk in. I remember looking down at my belly and all of a sudden feeling such a rush of excitement and after all the shock and complete surprise, all I could think is, I'm a mommy:)

Fun with solid food

I started giving Ava rice cerael/babyfood/breastmilk almost 2 weeks ago and boy has this been an experience. I can't believe that the baby whose mouth we had to put a syringe of milk in to get to eat is now trying to stick her face in the bowl and eat like a dog because I can't get the next bite in her mouth fast enough I guess. She grabs my hand or the spoon and pulls it to her mouth  to try to shovel it in faster. So far she's had peas, green beans, sweet potatoes, and her favorite by far-carrots. Boy does she love carrots. While I'm feeding her she screams at me in between bites to get it faster and I think she had the whole bowl down in 2 minutes compared to like 10 with the other food. She makes such a mess I've learned to just strip her down when feeding her but it's fun to watch her be able to eat from a spoon. I feel like she's doing so many "grown up" things lately that the baby stuff is disapearing way to fast. She can almost sit up completely by herself and jumps in her johnny jump up like she's trying to fly. Every new experience is amazing and fun, like feeding, but it's also bittersweet because my once tiny baby is growing into a little lady<3

4 months old already???

I'm sitting here looking at my "little" girl and she doesn't look so little anymore. She is now officially in size 2 diapers and looking at newborn diapers just makes me shake my  head in disbelief that she ever wore those. Everyone always says it goes so fast and it so does. I love the stage she's in-she talks to you and laughs all the time and loves when I read to her but it's a far cry from the little newborn who laid in my arms sleeping and drank a measly ounce at a time. Last week she weighed 12/10 and 25 in long. that's more than 5lbs heavier than at birth and 4.5 inches longer. She has outgrown so many clothes already(which I will save for maybe another girl in a year or so). I look at her and I can't remember even being pregnant or how her kicks inside my belly felt. I love sharing things with her-she loves going on walks, me reading books to her, watching the dogs play, being in the wrap watching me clean around the house. I try to soak up every minute(even the blowouts that require a bath) because I know that all too soon she will be off to school and then her friends and then the all dreaded teenager stage. Although it's frustrating being so broke and having to deal with so many hard situations, I thank God so much that it was in his plan for me to be able to stay home with my little girl and watch her grow. And also that Adam has been able to stay home mostly has been a blessing in disguise as not being able to find a job. God has brought me through so many things and blessed me with a beautiful daughter that I have been able to be with 24/7 and watch grow these past 4 months and I love every minute of it<3

Size 0-Mommyhood

Well I bought my first pair of pants since having Ava. Went to the thrift store and after tons of trying figured out that my once 100lb body is now about a size 12. Til I met Adam I was a size 0/1. Then after a few years together, about a 3/5. Then I had a baby and wham. Skipped all the way up to a 12. In highschool I was always "the little girl" and I always took it for granted. What I wouldn't give to now be called little lol:) Not that it isn't completely worth it but it's kindof hard to adjust and accept that although you can lose weight-bones don't go back. Lets just say EVERYTHING gets bigger. It's one of the really obvious reminders of the sacrifices that it takes to be a mommy and although it kindof sucks not ever being able to fit into my favorite clothes again or be the tiny one, being able to have a healthy little girl was totally worth it.

Moby Wrap

Moby Wrap=sleep. All it is is a 15 ft long piece of fabric and it is such a pain to get on, but Ava cannot resist. Sometimes she just gets so fussy and nothing makes her happy. Not the swing, not being held, not the paci, she just screams bloody murder for no reason. So I pull out my secret weapon and literally within 30 sec to a minute after I put it on-she's fast asleep and snoring. I guess it just makes her feel really secure and like she's in my belly again and that's why it is so calming. Sometimes she will put up a little bit of a fuss for a few minutes cuz she fights it, but then she just passes out. then I can usually take it off after 10-15 minutes and if I'm careful and wrap her up in her crib right away so she stays warm, she stays asleep. I used the moby wrap alot when we were in charleston walking around and stuff so we wouldn't have to take the stroller but using it to get her to sleep is the best. What I would recommend for anyone that hasn't bought one yet is to get the Baby K'tan. It's kindof the same thing but sortof already "pre-wrapped" Like step 3 into the Moby. It's like 10 bucks more but totally worth it. I got the Ktan at a baby sale for 6$ but the unlike the moby there are sizes and it was way to big. It fits Adam. I got the moby because it was cheaper and alot of moms had told me they liked it but if I could do it again I would get the Ktan.

Life as a momma

It feels like life is flying by a billions miles an hour. As you can tell by my lack of posting. Ava is growing so much. She has been smiling at me this week and laughed for the first time last night. She weighed 9/12 and was 23 inches today and I can't believe it. I just wanna freeze time and look at her forever. She is a pretty fussy baby-very spoiled wants to be held all the time and will scream bloody murder if she's not. So I got the moby wrap which helps alot since she loves being in somebody's arms- especially mine lol. She sleeps in her room every night which is nice. She doesn't like being in her bassinet so she just sleeps in the crib in her room. She is still waking me up every 3 hours but now she's eating 5oz instead of 3. Even when she wakes me up at night to eat and I'm so tired, getting to look into her eyes while feeding her is one of the best things in the world. She knows me and she knows my voice. And she knows that I am the one that feeds her and takes care of her. It is so much responsibility and is hard sometimes to have to be so responsible all the time but getting to be a mother is the most precious gift. I feel so lucky that God let me grow her inside me and take care of her for almost a year in my belly and now out here. Getting to dress her up in her little pumpkin outfit for halloween,  having her first thanksgiving with her, and getting to get our first tree with her is so irriplaceable. I know when you are younger you are always asked what you are thankful for and in highschool you have to write papers about it and you always found something nice to say. But I have never been more thankful for anything in my life besides my Savior coming to die for me. Letting me be a mother was the greatest give he could have given me and if you are a mother when you look into your childs eyes for the first time and even the 1000th and 100000000th time-you will understand. I get tears in my eyes when I look at her everyday and thank the Lord for my little blessing from heaven<3

Breastfeeding

Well it has definitely been harder then I thought and I totally understand why so many people started out breatfeeding and then switched. It has taken alot of determination to keep trying when she is screaming at the top of her lungs cuz she is hungry but won't eat. She wants it so bad but just does not want to latch on for some reason. We went to the Dr. on tuesday and she had still lost weight so I cried  a little just because I'd been trying so hard to get her to eat and it made me feel  like a failure as a mother. But I stuck with it. That day she started to get a little better and was falling asleep for a few hours after the feedings so I thought maybe I could finally get out of the house for a little while since I've been cooped up for the last 3 weeks. So we decided tuesday night after I fed her we would go to harris teeter. So I feed her and get her all situated in her carseat(she was asleep) and right as we are pulling into the parking lot at HT, she starts fussing. So I take her out and try to burp her a little more. I told Adam to just go ahead in and I would be there in a sec. So she won't stop fussing and finally I decided she wants to eat again even though she just ate. So I have to feed her and by the time she gets done and I get her all burped and back in her seaat, I'm about to go inside and Adam comes out with all the groceries. I was so upset and frusterated especially because after that she slept for 5 straight hours. Over the past few days I have really been working on getting her on a schedule to eat about every 2 hours. I have to wake her up usually to feed her but she eats and then poops and goes to sleep. Today was definitely the best day so far. I stuck to the schedule and she hasn't been nearly as fussy and she's latching on so much better. Breastfeeding is definitely emotionally and physically hard but so totally worth the bond that I have with her. Over the past few days since she has gotton alot better I have felt so much closer to her and I can't explain it. Although my boobs feel like rocks and so painful I just want to cut them off, I actually look forward to feeding her and wouldn't trade being able to take care of her this way for anything. For anyone wanting to breastfeed but not sure or trying to breastfeed and having a hard time I would tell them to stick with it. I have prayed so hard this week that God would help her to breastfeed and through all the crying and being stressed out and feeling like a failure, she has been getting the hang of it and I can only thank Him for that. When I start to get frusterated I just take a deep breath and look into her big eyes and it's all ok<3

First few days with Ava

It already seems like time is going by too fast. I can't believe she's already 4 days old. I'm sitting here trying to type quickly cuz I don't know how much time I have before she gets unhappy sitting in the boppy next to me and wants to be held :) Well friday and saturday morning(our last few days at the hospital) were stressful and happy at the same time. I was still in alot of pain and Adam was going back and forth alot trying to get some sleep and taking care of the dogs so I was alone alot. Ava's had a really hard time breastfeeding and it has taken alot of patience and resolve to stick with it. They attatched a little tube thing to a syringe with formula and after she would latch on they stuck the little tube in the side of her mouth so that when she sucked on me Adam would squeeze the syrynge so she would think that she was getting all that milk out of me. She gets very impatient because my milk isn't in yet and doesn't like having to suck very hard. She lost a little weight which concerned them so they are making me wake her up to feed her all the time and really trying to get her to eat alot. She has done alot better the last few feedings today-didn't even need the tube and although I'm super sore it makes me happy that she is finally getting it.
Going home from the hospital was exciting but scary at the same time. What would I do without those nurses to answer every question and help me feed her? What if she wouldn't breastfeed at all? But I also couldn't wait to have her safe at home. We came home saturday night and had kindof a rough night. She was very fussy and has had alot of gas and constipation so it's hard for her to be calm. And just to get her to breastfeed for 10 minutes took an hour. But we made it through the night taking turns holding her while sleeping. I have beeen sleeping in the chair in the living room because of the pain and Adam came out her on the couch for half the night so she could sleep on his chest. Got about 4 hours which I think is pretty good considering what I've had since I've been pregnant.
Today was so much better and even through all the pain and stress I would do it a thousand times over. I never though it was possible to be this happy and content and to love someone more then I already love Adam. Adam and I have never been closer and although we have both been cranky and said a few mean things we both love Ava so much and have been equally taking care of her. Adam is an amazing dad and now that she's getting a little better breastfeeding he's kindof upset that he can't help feed her. He rocks her and burps her and changes alot of diapers. I love waiting him with her and when I look at the two of them I just want to put a big bubble around them to protect them from everything.
I already feel like she's growing up so fast and I'm just trying to take it all in and enjoy her being so little. I can't wait to feel better and to get her on a schedule and breastfeeding better so we can enjoy so much more.
And something else that I can't believe I forgot to mention is how amazing my mom is-I don't know what I would do without her here. I hope that Ava will look at me the same way. <3

She's finally here!!

I can't believe that after all this waitng my baby girl is finally here! So since I know everyone will ask I will just start the story from the beginning to now. So yesterday(October 13th) I went to another doc visit at 2:15. I hadn't had anymore contractions since that monday and my blood pressure hadn't been outrageous so I thought she would just check me and then see me again on friday. But my blood pressure was super high at the office and when she checked me she said my cervix was starting to dialate just a tiny bit and since my blood pressure was so bad she wanted me to go straight over and check in. I was in so much shock because I couldn't go home and she told me that they would induce me that night and I guess I just wasn't prepared for that and if you know me you know I'm anal and like to be prepared for everything. So we go across the street to check in and when they got me all settled and everything they said my heart rate was crazy because I was in so much shock I guess. I finally calmed down and Adam went home to take care of the dogs and get my stuff. While he was gone they put this pill in my cervix to help me dialate. I started contractions pretty much right away. They were manageable at first but got alot worse and wouldn't let up-I had no break in between they were just one after another. At around 7:30-8:00 they were getting really unbearable. At about 2 they tried to give me an IV pain medicine but it  just made me throw up a bunch which was not fun since I was having so many contractions at the same time. I was not allowed to get up to pee because her cord was in front of the cervix and they didn't want her to get tangled and I was in so much pain I couldn't wait so they had to cath me with no pain medicine. I really I was about 3 centimeters at the time and the contractions were still not letting up so I made the decision to get the epidural. I finally got the epidural about 4:00am. It was not as near as bad as I thought and compared to all the pain I had been in was nothing. even though she had to stick me twice. The first hour after the epidural was amazing. Completely numb didn't feel any contractions. Then I started to feel contractions pretty painful so she came back and adjusted my medicine and although I could still feel them it was way more bearable and mostly pressure. So when the nurse checked me again at about 8:00  was 10 cent. + so although I was completely exhausted,Ava was finally ready! The doctor came and by the time everything was set up, I started pushing at 8:30 and had a hard time breathing so I was on oxygen whilepushing, and I threw up multiple times but she finally gt here at 9:19 and I saw the whole thing in the mirror which ws absolutely amazing even though some people think its gross. I only had a little bit of tearing and although it was a little frusterating because she had swallowed muconium?sp and I couldn't see her for the first 10 minutes or so I finally got to hold her and I couldn't stop the tears. Thanking God that she and I were ok. Seeing Adams face when he held his little look alike made me feel like my heart would burst. I haventreally slept-been in alot of pain and shes bee a litte fussy but it was all worth it to have been able to bring a precious life into this world<3

I'm really gonna be a momma

Looking at my maternity pictures today really got to me. I can't believe that that is me in the pictures all..."pregnant" lol :D It just doesn't feel like it's been that long since I was a little kid and even since I've been in highschool. I look at Adam and I in the pictures and I can't believe how much we have grown up together. I can't believe that we are actually having a baby and we are mommy and daddy. We have been through so much and I'm so lucky that God has given me the ability to have a baby and to get to share it with the love of my life. Sometimes life seems so stressful that you don't stop and realize how blessed you are. I have been through alot but I am so blessed to be Adam's wife and now Ava's mommy. I just can't wait to finally see her face that I have been imagining for so long<3

Waiting for Ava...

I thought for sure Ava would be here by now, but I guess she is not ready. The doctor told me on thursday that my blood pressure was high and I was on bedrest until she was born. I was really disappointed and I felt like I had done something wrong but she said it wasn't my fault. So I've just been laying around feeling lazy. Whenever I get up and do anything even if it's just loading the dishwasher or taking a shower my blood pressure shoots way up. So I have been laying down alot. And becuase I've had such a hard time sleeping and I can only sleep one way, Adam has been sleeping on the couch to try to help. So it's kindof frusterating but I want Ava to be safe. The doctor said that as soon as I was dialted some she would put me in the hospital and induce me. If I had been dialated when she checked on thursday she would've induced me but I guess if you induce when you aren't dialted there is more chance for a csection-which we don't want. I go back on monday to get checked again and if my blood pressure is up still and the 24 hr urine test is bad then she will probably induce. So hopefully I will be dialted so everything will go normally and she will be safe in my arms<3