Breastfeeding

Well it has definitely been harder then I thought and I totally understand why so many people started out breatfeeding and then switched. It has taken alot of determination to keep trying when she is screaming at the top of her lungs cuz she is hungry but won't eat. She wants it so bad but just does not want to latch on for some reason. We went to the Dr. on tuesday and she had still lost weight so I cried  a little just because I'd been trying so hard to get her to eat and it made me feel  like a failure as a mother. But I stuck with it. That day she started to get a little better and was falling asleep for a few hours after the feedings so I thought maybe I could finally get out of the house for a little while since I've been cooped up for the last 3 weeks. So we decided tuesday night after I fed her we would go to harris teeter. So I feed her and get her all situated in her carseat(she was asleep) and right as we are pulling into the parking lot at HT, she starts fussing. So I take her out and try to burp her a little more. I told Adam to just go ahead in and I would be there in a sec. So she won't stop fussing and finally I decided she wants to eat again even though she just ate. So I have to feed her and by the time she gets done and I get her all burped and back in her seaat, I'm about to go inside and Adam comes out with all the groceries. I was so upset and frusterated especially because after that she slept for 5 straight hours. Over the past few days I have really been working on getting her on a schedule to eat about every 2 hours. I have to wake her up usually to feed her but she eats and then poops and goes to sleep. Today was definitely the best day so far. I stuck to the schedule and she hasn't been nearly as fussy and she's latching on so much better. Breastfeeding is definitely emotionally and physically hard but so totally worth the bond that I have with her. Over the past few days since she has gotton alot better I have felt so much closer to her and I can't explain it. Although my boobs feel like rocks and so painful I just want to cut them off, I actually look forward to feeding her and wouldn't trade being able to take care of her this way for anything. For anyone wanting to breastfeed but not sure or trying to breastfeed and having a hard time I would tell them to stick with it. I have prayed so hard this week that God would help her to breastfeed and through all the crying and being stressed out and feeling like a failure, she has been getting the hang of it and I can only thank Him for that. When I start to get frusterated I just take a deep breath and look into her big eyes and it's all ok<3