Breastfeeding

Well it has definitely been harder then I thought and I totally understand why so many people started out breatfeeding and then switched. It has taken alot of determination to keep trying when she is screaming at the top of her lungs cuz she is hungry but won't eat. She wants it so bad but just does not want to latch on for some reason. We went to the Dr. on tuesday and she had still lost weight so I cried  a little just because I'd been trying so hard to get her to eat and it made me feel  like a failure as a mother. But I stuck with it. That day she started to get a little better and was falling asleep for a few hours after the feedings so I thought maybe I could finally get out of the house for a little while since I've been cooped up for the last 3 weeks. So we decided tuesday night after I fed her we would go to harris teeter. So I feed her and get her all situated in her carseat(she was asleep) and right as we are pulling into the parking lot at HT, she starts fussing. So I take her out and try to burp her a little more. I told Adam to just go ahead in and I would be there in a sec. So she won't stop fussing and finally I decided she wants to eat again even though she just ate. So I have to feed her and by the time she gets done and I get her all burped and back in her seaat, I'm about to go inside and Adam comes out with all the groceries. I was so upset and frusterated especially because after that she slept for 5 straight hours. Over the past few days I have really been working on getting her on a schedule to eat about every 2 hours. I have to wake her up usually to feed her but she eats and then poops and goes to sleep. Today was definitely the best day so far. I stuck to the schedule and she hasn't been nearly as fussy and she's latching on so much better. Breastfeeding is definitely emotionally and physically hard but so totally worth the bond that I have with her. Over the past few days since she has gotton alot better I have felt so much closer to her and I can't explain it. Although my boobs feel like rocks and so painful I just want to cut them off, I actually look forward to feeding her and wouldn't trade being able to take care of her this way for anything. For anyone wanting to breastfeed but not sure or trying to breastfeed and having a hard time I would tell them to stick with it. I have prayed so hard this week that God would help her to breastfeed and through all the crying and being stressed out and feeling like a failure, she has been getting the hang of it and I can only thank Him for that. When I start to get frusterated I just take a deep breath and look into her big eyes and it's all ok<3

First few days with Ava

It already seems like time is going by too fast. I can't believe she's already 4 days old. I'm sitting here trying to type quickly cuz I don't know how much time I have before she gets unhappy sitting in the boppy next to me and wants to be held :) Well friday and saturday morning(our last few days at the hospital) were stressful and happy at the same time. I was still in alot of pain and Adam was going back and forth alot trying to get some sleep and taking care of the dogs so I was alone alot. Ava's had a really hard time breastfeeding and it has taken alot of patience and resolve to stick with it. They attatched a little tube thing to a syringe with formula and after she would latch on they stuck the little tube in the side of her mouth so that when she sucked on me Adam would squeeze the syrynge so she would think that she was getting all that milk out of me. She gets very impatient because my milk isn't in yet and doesn't like having to suck very hard. She lost a little weight which concerned them so they are making me wake her up to feed her all the time and really trying to get her to eat alot. She has done alot better the last few feedings today-didn't even need the tube and although I'm super sore it makes me happy that she is finally getting it.
Going home from the hospital was exciting but scary at the same time. What would I do without those nurses to answer every question and help me feed her? What if she wouldn't breastfeed at all? But I also couldn't wait to have her safe at home. We came home saturday night and had kindof a rough night. She was very fussy and has had alot of gas and constipation so it's hard for her to be calm. And just to get her to breastfeed for 10 minutes took an hour. But we made it through the night taking turns holding her while sleeping. I have beeen sleeping in the chair in the living room because of the pain and Adam came out her on the couch for half the night so she could sleep on his chest. Got about 4 hours which I think is pretty good considering what I've had since I've been pregnant.
Today was so much better and even through all the pain and stress I would do it a thousand times over. I never though it was possible to be this happy and content and to love someone more then I already love Adam. Adam and I have never been closer and although we have both been cranky and said a few mean things we both love Ava so much and have been equally taking care of her. Adam is an amazing dad and now that she's getting a little better breastfeeding he's kindof upset that he can't help feed her. He rocks her and burps her and changes alot of diapers. I love waiting him with her and when I look at the two of them I just want to put a big bubble around them to protect them from everything.
I already feel like she's growing up so fast and I'm just trying to take it all in and enjoy her being so little. I can't wait to feel better and to get her on a schedule and breastfeeding better so we can enjoy so much more.
And something else that I can't believe I forgot to mention is how amazing my mom is-I don't know what I would do without her here. I hope that Ava will look at me the same way. <3

She's finally here!!

I can't believe that after all this waitng my baby girl is finally here! So since I know everyone will ask I will just start the story from the beginning to now. So yesterday(October 13th) I went to another doc visit at 2:15. I hadn't had anymore contractions since that monday and my blood pressure hadn't been outrageous so I thought she would just check me and then see me again on friday. But my blood pressure was super high at the office and when she checked me she said my cervix was starting to dialate just a tiny bit and since my blood pressure was so bad she wanted me to go straight over and check in. I was in so much shock because I couldn't go home and she told me that they would induce me that night and I guess I just wasn't prepared for that and if you know me you know I'm anal and like to be prepared for everything. So we go across the street to check in and when they got me all settled and everything they said my heart rate was crazy because I was in so much shock I guess. I finally calmed down and Adam went home to take care of the dogs and get my stuff. While he was gone they put this pill in my cervix to help me dialate. I started contractions pretty much right away. They were manageable at first but got alot worse and wouldn't let up-I had no break in between they were just one after another. At around 7:30-8:00 they were getting really unbearable. At about 2 they tried to give me an IV pain medicine but it  just made me throw up a bunch which was not fun since I was having so many contractions at the same time. I was not allowed to get up to pee because her cord was in front of the cervix and they didn't want her to get tangled and I was in so much pain I couldn't wait so they had to cath me with no pain medicine. I really I was about 3 centimeters at the time and the contractions were still not letting up so I made the decision to get the epidural. I finally got the epidural about 4:00am. It was not as near as bad as I thought and compared to all the pain I had been in was nothing. even though she had to stick me twice. The first hour after the epidural was amazing. Completely numb didn't feel any contractions. Then I started to feel contractions pretty painful so she came back and adjusted my medicine and although I could still feel them it was way more bearable and mostly pressure. So when the nurse checked me again at about 8:00  was 10 cent. + so although I was completely exhausted,Ava was finally ready! The doctor came and by the time everything was set up, I started pushing at 8:30 and had a hard time breathing so I was on oxygen whilepushing, and I threw up multiple times but she finally gt here at 9:19 and I saw the whole thing in the mirror which ws absolutely amazing even though some people think its gross. I only had a little bit of tearing and although it was a little frusterating because she had swallowed muconium?sp and I couldn't see her for the first 10 minutes or so I finally got to hold her and I couldn't stop the tears. Thanking God that she and I were ok. Seeing Adams face when he held his little look alike made me feel like my heart would burst. I haventreally slept-been in alot of pain and shes bee a litte fussy but it was all worth it to have been able to bring a precious life into this world<3

I'm really gonna be a momma

Looking at my maternity pictures today really got to me. I can't believe that that is me in the pictures all..."pregnant" lol :D It just doesn't feel like it's been that long since I was a little kid and even since I've been in highschool. I look at Adam and I in the pictures and I can't believe how much we have grown up together. I can't believe that we are actually having a baby and we are mommy and daddy. We have been through so much and I'm so lucky that God has given me the ability to have a baby and to get to share it with the love of my life. Sometimes life seems so stressful that you don't stop and realize how blessed you are. I have been through alot but I am so blessed to be Adam's wife and now Ava's mommy. I just can't wait to finally see her face that I have been imagining for so long<3

Waiting for Ava...

I thought for sure Ava would be here by now, but I guess she is not ready. The doctor told me on thursday that my blood pressure was high and I was on bedrest until she was born. I was really disappointed and I felt like I had done something wrong but she said it wasn't my fault. So I've just been laying around feeling lazy. Whenever I get up and do anything even if it's just loading the dishwasher or taking a shower my blood pressure shoots way up. So I have been laying down alot. And becuase I've had such a hard time sleeping and I can only sleep one way, Adam has been sleeping on the couch to try to help. So it's kindof frusterating but I want Ava to be safe. The doctor said that as soon as I was dialted some she would put me in the hospital and induce me. If I had been dialated when she checked on thursday she would've induced me but I guess if you induce when you aren't dialted there is more chance for a csection-which we don't want. I go back on monday to get checked again and if my blood pressure is up still and the 24 hr urine test is bad then she will probably induce. So hopefully I will be dialted so everything will go normally and she will be safe in my arms<3