Ava has done so much this past month and because of our laptop completely crashing I have not been able to keep up with it. Since the last time I wrote, Ava has eaten with a spoon a few times which was very messy but fun to watch her mind work and figure out how to do it.

She also had her first "boo-boo." She was sitting on the couch with Adam and all of a sudden decided to dive for the remote on the coffee table and hit her head. It was one of the worst moments since she was born. I hated for her that she was hurt and crying and I just held her tight and told her it was ok and tried to comfort her. Of course Adam felt awful and stayed by her crib watching her for hours after she went to sleep. I had to put a little bandaid on so it wouldnt get infected. :/ Felt like a horrible parent.       

Another thing I did this month was make my own babyfood for the first time. It was more work then it's worth I think but maybe it's because I can't afford a nice big contraption I just have a little grinder thing from target but it was kindof fun and felt good to make something for her since I'm not breastfeeding anymore. I made strawberry banana and I tasted it, it is pretty good:)



 Adam had a business trip this month kind of last minute so Ava and I went along to get out of the house. We went to the Billy Graham library which was free and it was great. Very stroller friendly and when I had to take Ava out for a few min, they kindly invited me back in.                                                    



in front of it







The sower planting his seeds on solid ground

Yesterday Ava said momma:) She was in her highchair yelling to eat and said it. I dont know if she knows what she was saying but I don't care, she said it because she wanted me to come get her. I told adam when she was really little that I had a dream she would say momma first and she did:)

Lately she has developed a very strong personality. Very whiny and has to have her way. When I say no she gives me this I don't care what you say look and says, "hmmph" It is these times that I am so glad I plan to have more children because she would be such a spoiled brat if she were the only one. When we picked her up from the nursery at church the other day they said she was a "diva" and when she was playing with a toy if another kid tried to take it away from her she started screaming. I will not put up with that and she knows very well what no is but when daddy comes home no is too "mean." The moms are always the bad guy I guess:)

 Ava is going through stranger anxiety lately with mostly anybody but me, and although she's not attached to Adam like she is to me, and sometimes he can't always comfort her like she wants, Ava loves her daddy time.          When he comes home every she turns to his voice and always smiles. 

       He plays guitar and sings to her and she loves it.

  As you can also tell she plays xbox with him:) 

They take naps together sometime-she won't take naps with me when we lay down together she is always grabbing at my shirt thinking that it's time to eat :) 

 I can't wait until she's old enough to come running down the hall when he comes home from work saying "Daddy!" <3

Ava has started sitting up almost overnight. I had to work last week (I only work like once a month) and when I set her down on friday she was just sitting up by herself. She loves to sit. She sometimes tips over still when she tries to look at the ceiling fan or twist around to look at the dogs but overall she sits great. It's very strange to watch her sit and play. All I can think is where is my baby going? Is she really 6 1/2 months old?

She usually always picks the blue blocks out of all of them it's kindof funny. I don't know if that means it's her favorite color or what but it's cute:)
                                                                                                                                                                        

Random thoughts

A few random things...
   
     Ava sucked on her toes for the first time yesterday and it was so cute. She had brought her feet up before and looked at them but never actually stuck them in her mouth.

   And just so you know before I tell you about this next thing, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK.
So anyway today I took Ava to get her ears pierced. I have been thinking about it for a few months and got some advice from mothers who daughters had it done early too. They can pierce their ears at 2 months. She is almost 6 months. Whether I do it now or when she 2 or 4, it will still hurt. I chose to do it now because I know in the next few months she will start grabbing at her ears more and pulling on them would hurt her more. Shes too young to understand and think about them and mess with them like a 2-4 to old would, and she wont be rough housing and playing where something could hurt it. Also I don't have to worry about her hair getting tangled in them if it was longer. She only cried for a minute and then she was fine-just like when she gets shots. I think she looks adorable and she hasn't fussed about them all day

one more thought that i just got reminded of, when you are a mother don't bother trying to keep clean. Whether its puke, poop, or drool, it will be there no matter how hard you try. just accept it:) (just got blew out on) lol

Enjoying the "bumps"

  There are many bumps along the motherhood road and at the time seem stressful and frustrating but looking back you miss them. For example when you have a newborn there are so many dirty diapers. Leaking diapers, going on you while you are changing them, and the smell lol. But I have found that while changing her I bond with her more than any other time. I talk to her while I'm changing her and if you notice from alot of the first few months of pictures most of the smile are from the changing table. Because I'm right in front of her face and she's focused on me and what I'm doing. When she is potty trained and doesn't need to lay on that changing table and stare at me and talk to me while I'm changing her I will be said.
    Also, night feedings. When you first bring them home you will be SO TIRED. And you aren't that happy about having to get up every hour or two to feed and change them. You beg and pray for them to start sleeping through the night. When they do it's very nice to be able to sleep. You won't sleep through the night for awhile because your um...body, will have to learn that there is not a baby to feed in the middle of the night and you will also probably be a little nervous and wake up just to check. But I am not gonna lie. SLEEP IS WONDERFUL. Ava has been a pretty good baby. At the beginning was very fussy and colicky but I have pretty much put her in her crib in her room from day one. Didn't start the sleeping in the bed and she didn't really like her bassinet. Which has worked out great. She has been sleeping mostly through the night for awhile now-once in a while wakes up crying and needs her paci but mostly sleeps about 8-9 hours. She also take normal naps now during the day. So all this sounds great right? It is great. Kindof. But as stupid as this sounds, I miss getting to get up all night and hold her and breastfeed her. I used to have to rock her and sing to her alot to get her to sleep. It was a long process. Now she just wants to be laid down in her crib when it's time for bed or a nap. She doesn't want me to rock her or sing to her. I don't feel as needed. She doesn't need me to feed her at night or comfort her to sleep. 
    When she gets older she will have many such milestones where she will no longer need me. When she can dress herself, go to the bathroom by herself, feed herself,  go to school, take a shower by herself, have her own friends and boyfriends to talk to instead of me, and one day leave and get married. Before you are a mom you always think well I have til they are a teenager til they won't need me anymore. It starts from the beginning. Ava is only 5 months old and there are many things she needed me for at first that already change. She doesn't want to be held so much anymore, she wants to sit and play. A part of me is so happy that she is becoming her own person and can do things on her own, it makes me proud. But it is also hard because I don't feel as needed and it's a constant reminder that someday she will  be her own independent person. 
    I know this frase seems overused to new moms or people that are pregnant, but it's so true. ENJOY EVERY MINUTE. It will pass you by. Even if it seems like they are so needy and you just wish they would be able to do more on their own, you will miss it. They won't need you forever so when you are getting up in the middle of the night to feed or putting them on the changing table for what seems like the 100th time in one day, soak it all in.

Breast is best

Breast is best, breast is best, breast is best. That's all you hear. And yes I do agree that breastmilk is the best if you can breastfeed and although it is not easy and painful for awhile the bonding and the feeling of feeding your child the way God intended is amazing. I do not look down on people who have tried breastfeeding and switched to formula although I have met quite a few judgemental people that act like you are a bad mother if you use formula. It is very hard and painful for some people and doesn't get alot easier even as the months go by. That is how it has been for me. And I have almost given it up so many times but the few times I have given her bottles when I have been sick or something I missed breastfeeding her. I can't explain it but although it has been very frustrating and I wish it could be super easy like other people have told me, it's something that I can't give up.
   But the thing that I have been thinking about lately that really frustrates me is the fact that although they push people to breastfeed in alot of ways it is easier to formula feed. From the first time I breastfed Ava it was difficult. She wasn't latching on or eating so the nurses had to help me and the put a ilttle tube of formula in the side of her mouth while I was feeding her so she would learn to eat but still get sustenance since she wasn't getting much breastmilk out. It was very time consuming and although I had a few very patient nurses some just said to give her formula it would be easiest. They give you free formula at the hospital and the peds office and you get plenty of great coupons in the mail. And if you go to the health dept. you can get tickets for all the formula you want for free.then all you have to get is bottles which arent very much and anyone can feed the baby. If you are breastfeeding you not only have to deal with all the pain and discomfort but you have to do all the feeding and cant have a break unless you want to pump which isnt fun and you are going to pay at least 60$ for one. You have to buy bottles for that too and also breastpads and a nursing bra which by the way most stores dont have and walmart only has 2 kinds. They are very uncomfortable. You will definitely need cream because they get cracked and probably a shield so you aern't in horrible pain when they are learning. You will also probably get thrush so you will need prescriptions for that too.They do offer some classes that help with breastfeeding but most at cost. La Leche league isn't free either.
   I love breastfeeding Ava but it frustrates me how it is pushed but you don't see the health dept. handing out nipple cream and nursing pads they are just giving you all the free formula you can get. That is why I think its wrong to judge mothers that choose to do formula because it is very difficult to breastfeed for some people and it's not as simple as just "pulling it out" as some people make it sound. It is one of the many loving sacrifices to your baby
   

On to bigger things

I  just finished organizing Ava's clothes and things that she no longer can fit into into boxes for the next one, separated into only girl stuff and the stuff that could be used for a boy. As stupid as this sounds, because she's not getting married or anything yet, it brought tears to my eyes to see how small she once was. The tiny little outfit I brought her home it that once swallowed her up, her little socks and hospital hats. The onsies that she could probably fit one chunky leg into. Lately it seems like everything is changing with her. New diaper sizes, constantly growing out of the clothes, eating from a spoon, sitting up, talking. Every morning when she wakes me up for breakfast and I go into her room to get her out of her crib I feel like she grew bigger overnight and that she weighs more then she did the day before. I love the Ava I have now, I love that she is a little person with her own personality, but I also miss that tiny little baby that fit so easily into one arm. I feel like I just want to freeze time and just stare at her and take it all in. Someday she will not need me anymore, wont want all my kisses, someday she will be gone living her own life. But right now she is my little  baby and i'm soaking up everything from changing diapers to getting to pick out what she wears, all the kisses, her crying for me when shes with someone else, and the smiles she gives me when i talk and she turns towards me, looking for her momma<3