On to bigger things

I  just finished organizing Ava's clothes and things that she no longer can fit into into boxes for the next one, separated into only girl stuff and the stuff that could be used for a boy. As stupid as this sounds, because she's not getting married or anything yet, it brought tears to my eyes to see how small she once was. The tiny little outfit I brought her home it that once swallowed her up, her little socks and hospital hats. The onsies that she could probably fit one chunky leg into. Lately it seems like everything is changing with her. New diaper sizes, constantly growing out of the clothes, eating from a spoon, sitting up, talking. Every morning when she wakes me up for breakfast and I go into her room to get her out of her crib I feel like she grew bigger overnight and that she weighs more then she did the day before. I love the Ava I have now, I love that she is a little person with her own personality, but I also miss that tiny little baby that fit so easily into one arm. I feel like I just want to freeze time and just stare at her and take it all in. Someday she will not need me anymore, wont want all my kisses, someday she will be gone living her own life. But right now she is my little  baby and i'm soaking up everything from changing diapers to getting to pick out what she wears, all the kisses, her crying for me when shes with someone else, and the smiles she gives me when i talk and she turns towards me, looking for her momma<3

I'm a mommy?!

So big surprise 2 posts in one day I can't believe I'm staying up doing this when Ava's actually sleeping but today is the one year anniversery of when we found out about Ava. So although this story is kind of crazy it is true and I will just bluntly tell it exactly how it happened.
Adam and I were on our way to see his brothers in Charleston for a little weekend trip and I hadn't been feeling that great. I wasn't throwing up quite yet(although that was only 2 days later) but I just felt weird and bloated and fat. I hadn't even thought about being pregnant because we definitely weren't trying it just wasn't a good time and because of the precations we were taking didn't even think it was a possibility. So while we were driving I just mentioned how I kinda felt like crap and maybe we could stop halfway and find a michaels for some  yarn in columbia while I walked around and got a  breather. Adam had asked me what do you think it is? Jokingly I said something like "maybe I'm pregnant" then laughed. Adam did not think that was so funny. Getting all serious he was like, " why would you think that" ,etc. So I'm just telling him to forget about it I was just joking but I actually started to think about my symptoms and started to sweat a little. So we decided if we saw a walmart when we stopped for Michaels that we would stop and get a pregnancy test just so adam would stop bugging me and asking me questions. I was still positive Adam was just overeacting and I was just getting a little nervous because he was scaring me lol.
     So we stop at the walmart and Adam insists on getting the 3 pack. So we are walking out and he stops at the bathroom and says why don't you just take it now. I was like are you kidding me I'm not taking a pregnancy test in a walmart bathroom. And he said well if you are just doing it to shut me up that you aren't then why don't you. So I figured he was right. So I went in and took the test(you know what happens) and because I had taken tests before I didn't read the directions or anything. The last test I took was supposed to be this ( + I ) if you were pregnant and this( I I ) if you weren't. So when my test pops up with 2 lines ( I I ) i was like see I knew I wasn't (thinking that there wasn't a plus so I was fine) So I THROW THE TEST AWAY. As I'm putting the other two tests in the bag(didn't need them but I figured Adam would want me to take another one later just to be sure) I just had this weird feeling that maybe I should just check the instructions again. So I pull out the paper and I saw that there was only supposed to be one line if the test was negative and two  if it was positive. Wow. I stared at that paper for a good 30 sec in silence just taking it all in. Holy crap was probably my first thought. I'm pregnant. I  thought I was going to faint but somehow I made it through washing my hands (I think I washed my hands for like 5 minutes because I was in so much shock) Looking back, I think the women that came and went were staring at me but I wasn't noticing them at the time.
      So I took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door. Adam turned around and looked at me and I think I kindof gave him a crooked smile and said you're not going to believe this. His face went white and he kindof half weird smiled and faked laugh at me too. So we walked out in silence and just kept saying holy crap and oh lord,etc...So we get in the car and just sit there staring for a good 5 minutes. Then I kinda got mad-I couldn't believe I just found out I was pregnant when I didn't even think there was a chance in the freaking walmart bathroom. Then I am very sorry to say we went to the gas station in silence and Adam got us each a cigarette. We sat there and smoked in silence(I wasn't a smoker and didn't smoke when I was pregnant or anything I don't know what made us do it, I think it was like pinching yourself) So we got back on the highway and continued driving in silence for awhile until we started to get kindof slaphappy because of the shock I think and just started laughing and saying I can't believe it. Adam of course called Josh first and hearing him tell him it kindof sunk in. I remember looking down at my belly and all of a sudden feeling such a rush of excitement and after all the shock and complete surprise, all I could think is, I'm a mommy:)

Fun with solid food

I started giving Ava rice cerael/babyfood/breastmilk almost 2 weeks ago and boy has this been an experience. I can't believe that the baby whose mouth we had to put a syringe of milk in to get to eat is now trying to stick her face in the bowl and eat like a dog because I can't get the next bite in her mouth fast enough I guess. She grabs my hand or the spoon and pulls it to her mouth  to try to shovel it in faster. So far she's had peas, green beans, sweet potatoes, and her favorite by far-carrots. Boy does she love carrots. While I'm feeding her she screams at me in between bites to get it faster and I think she had the whole bowl down in 2 minutes compared to like 10 with the other food. She makes such a mess I've learned to just strip her down when feeding her but it's fun to watch her be able to eat from a spoon. I feel like she's doing so many "grown up" things lately that the baby stuff is disapearing way to fast. She can almost sit up completely by herself and jumps in her johnny jump up like she's trying to fly. Every new experience is amazing and fun, like feeding, but it's also bittersweet because my once tiny baby is growing into a little lady<3

4 months old already???

I'm sitting here looking at my "little" girl and she doesn't look so little anymore. She is now officially in size 2 diapers and looking at newborn diapers just makes me shake my  head in disbelief that she ever wore those. Everyone always says it goes so fast and it so does. I love the stage she's in-she talks to you and laughs all the time and loves when I read to her but it's a far cry from the little newborn who laid in my arms sleeping and drank a measly ounce at a time. Last week she weighed 12/10 and 25 in long. that's more than 5lbs heavier than at birth and 4.5 inches longer. She has outgrown so many clothes already(which I will save for maybe another girl in a year or so). I look at her and I can't remember even being pregnant or how her kicks inside my belly felt. I love sharing things with her-she loves going on walks, me reading books to her, watching the dogs play, being in the wrap watching me clean around the house. I try to soak up every minute(even the blowouts that require a bath) because I know that all too soon she will be off to school and then her friends and then the all dreaded teenager stage. Although it's frustrating being so broke and having to deal with so many hard situations, I thank God so much that it was in his plan for me to be able to stay home with my little girl and watch her grow. And also that Adam has been able to stay home mostly has been a blessing in disguise as not being able to find a job. God has brought me through so many things and blessed me with a beautiful daughter that I have been able to be with 24/7 and watch grow these past 4 months and I love every minute of it<3